There is no way that I can fit everything that has happened since I last posted in this post. It has been nearly 2 years and I didn’t even realise.
The title says it all really… ‘How things have changed’. If you had asked me whilst writing my last blog post lying in bed recovering from the worst illness of my life where I would be right now I wouldn’t have even come close.
In short, my life is good. My life is great in fact. I have made a great recovery from glandular fever (though 2 years on and my immune system is still like that of a baby!) and my education is in a much better position than it was before I got ill (they do say some things happen for a reason!!) but it has taken me pretty much until now to get here and it has not been easy!
The past 2 years have been a complete whirlwind of experiences and emotions though as hard as they have been, I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. I am a much stronger and more motivated person now than I ever believed I could be. I plan on telling the tales good and bad of my past 2 years in upcoming posts.
The biggest story I am finally willing to tell is how it really feels to be forgotten. Not only was I forgotten but I was deserted, completely isolated and alone because of an illness that had a hold over me and I had no control of. That feeling will never leave me and though I have now learnt to deal with it at the time it was the most difficult thing to comprehend. I lost pretty much every friend (apart from 2 you know who you are <3) that I had. Being a vulnerable 17 year old that shattered my confidence and I have never felt as low as I did. I will post an entire post about this experience.
You kind of expect everyone to think about you when you aren’t around and in my case it just didn’t happen. For a couple of weeks maybe I got the odd visit from my friends but it became apparent very quickly that I clearly wasn’t as important as I had assumed I was and was very quickly forgotten about. This was hard, so hard. Initialy it was understandable as they couldn’t invite me to join them as I was too ill but they never visited.
They never visited.
That went around in my head for a good year leading me to all sorts of depressive thoughts as you can probably imagine. The few people you expect to be there for you and it is difficult when they aren’t. Probably more difficult for me as I knew I would act differently but as I’ve slowly learnt, I’m just a more thoughtful person than them and can’t blame them. It has officially been over a year since I saw them and only about now am I ok with that. I don’t hold it against them and I don’t hate them – I simply had to move on in order to be able to enjoy things once again. I obsessed over their social media etc and got so down about it that I decided to delete them. Just so I didnt have to see them moving on without me. I think it was good that I experienced this as it has helped me grow as a person (eventually).
Other than my mental health plummeting to an all time low and my self destructive thoughts ruining my confidence, I’ve had quite a good few years. I started a new college as I had to drop back a year and I have met some lovely friends. Not only that but the slight lack of teaching in college compared to school forced me to get my act together and I managed to achieve AAAA at AS Level with a Distinction in the Welsh Baccalaureate alongside.
Since my last post I have travelled to Borneo, Canada, Italy, Prague, Amsterdam and Greece! All of which I will be sure to post about at some point. Out of these Borneo was the highlight climbing the great Mount Kinibalu and building a road for an underprivileged village. Canada wasn’t far off seeing the Great Lakes and the world famous Niagara Falls! I love travelling and can’t wait to do even more in 2018!
One of my biggest achievements since my last post is getting an interview for Oxford university. I actually find out next week if I have a place but I am not getting my hopes up. I was just delighted to even be considered and had a lovely weekend up there!
Overall, I have had a hard time since my last post. Though I have struggled I am determined to make this year my year and do things for me.
- “Friends” deleted on all social media sites so I don’t cling on any longer (tick)
- Revision plan sorted to make sure I do the best I possibly can this year (tick)
- Plans to travel with my boyfriend and family (tick)
- Determined to do things that will make me happy (tick)
It has been a very difficult time for me but I am leaving that in the past and setting out on a new beginning to be a happier version of myself 🙂
Also I am planning on slightly rearranging my blog and possibly changing my domain name so stick around for some exciting changes!
Anyways, I’m off